You Aren’t Welcome Here

“You aren’t welcome here”,

I tell the storm-

That swirls inside me

Silent and menacing.

“You aren’t welcome here”,

I tell it.

I can’t let it

Ruin the peace

Of my mind

The steadiness

Of my heart.

I carry the shadow

Of the storm

In me everyday.

It mocks me,

It taunts me,

It follows me-

So closely

That somedays I feel

It is me,

And I am it.

Yet I tell it,

“You aren’t welcome here”

I keep it at bay,

But just barely-

It swims,

just below the surface

of the oceans

Of my soul.

Calm and

Soundless

On the good days,

and restlessly

rearing it’s head

on the bad days.

“You aren’t welcome here”,

I remind it,

When it knocks on my door

when I’m alone

At night.

And it leaves silently-

Most of the times.

Lately,

The storm’s been

Breaking through

The silence.

It’s been

whispering in my ears,

Stirring up

A soundless frenzy

in my heart.

Threatening

to wreck the walls

and bring me

Crashing down.

“You aren’t welcome here”

I tell it again.

But now I’m not sure

It heard.

It’s louder

than the beats of my heart.

It’s bigger

than my very existence.

It grew in me,

But lives beside me.

I made it,

But it controls me.

I shouldn’t let it,

I tell it,

“You aren’t welcome here”

but now,

It doesn’t even listen.

Beauty

To me,
Beauty inspires awe,
Fear,
And astonishingly-
An incredible
Sense of
Purpose.
I cannot just
Appreciate it
And move on.
I must
Relish it
Drink it in
Protect it
Preserve
I cannot simply
Find beauty
In everything-
I worship
Only what
Intimidates others-
It scares me-
This obsession
With everything
That scares
Some.
Maybe
This is why
I cannot
Fall in love.
I crave
The adventure
That comes with
Taming the
Terrible
But at the
Same time
I fear
The heartbreak
That comes
With falling
For
Reckless beauty.

Sleep

When the night is deep,

And even the sky is asleep

Close your eyes

And gently feel

A sense of protection creep,

All over you, in

A trillion strands.

Envision yourself sleeping

A bright white light

Surrounding your

Being

Securing you from

Troubles

And every evil art

Feel the strange

Sensations in your

Heart

And let yourself

Levitate

Float an inch above the ground

The dirt of the earth

Will not touch you

Nor will the thorns

Prick your skin

You will be pure and innocent

Unaware of any sin.

Again

Halfway

Through a laugh

And I I just stopped

My breath catching

My heart stopping

My brain whirring

Again.

I’ll never understand

Why something’s

There, but not quite

There

Why something

Lingers in the

Back of my mind

Like an eternal

Dark place

I visit

Again

And

Again.

Today,

I just sat there

As my heart shut down

And my breath faltered

And I remembered

Everything that had

Hadn’t

Happened

And I thought

“But I was happy

Just now”

But deep down,

Inside

I knew

That this

Crazy ball

Of unexplainable

Sadness

The fear of

Loneliness

The longing

For escape from

Monotony

Won’t go away

By a few

Moments

Of forgetting

A few seconds

Of laughter.

It’s there

Sitting

There

Biding it’s time

And when it’s time

It strikes

Again

And after everything

I’ve tired

All the walls

I’ve built

All the doors

I thought had been

Closed

For good

Fly open

Mercilessly

Again

And I fall

Again.

Trust

Trust is delicate-
It’s the lazy connection
Between two people
That doesn’t need
Words
To be expressed.
It’s the
Understood nods
Soundless laughter
And the
Uncanny ability
To read the others mind
Even when they
Don’t understand
Themselves.
I woke up this morning
With my
Heart heavy
And my
Mind silent
You weren’t
Moving around
As usual
In there.
I wish you
Could’ve felt
The panic I felt
When the delicate chain
Of mirrored thoughts
Broke.
I should’ve known
This morning
That one of the
Absurdly identical
Minds has closed
Its doors,
And it wasn’t mine
Instead, I prayed
That it was a
Glitch in the
System;
But it wasn’t
You simply didn’t
Trust me with
Your thoughts
Anymore.
And just like that,
Your mind was yours,
And mine was
Achingly empty,
Not even the silence
Echoed.

 

 

You Can Live

The world isn’t
Merely
Black and white-
Not everything
Can be
Classified
As happy or sad,
Not everyone
Falls categorized
Into good or bad,
Not every deed
Is wrong or right.
Sometimes-
It is up to us
To decide
What to accept
And what not to-
We make our mark
In the murky greys,
We define ourselves
We refine ourselves
In this unfathomable mess,
We find ourselves.
Life doesn’t come
With an
Instructional manual-
We have blank pages
Which we write ourselves.
This is a ride that we
Never signed up for
Still got stuck
Without asking for.
There’s a
No return policy
On the card of life-
It will only end
On the
Expiration date.
You are not a
Quitter-
You can remake yourself
You can set
Your sights straight
You can rebuild yourself.
You were given
A ticket
Into this messed up world-
All you have to do
Is live
For yourself.

Good Days, Bad Days

Everyone has
Good days
And
Bad days.
On good days
I wake up
With a smile-
I don’t have to
Lie in bed and
Wonder
Why I’m still
Alive.
On good days
My breath doesn’t
Catch
Halfway through
A conversation
And I don’t feel
Like I’m
Choking on
Air.
On good days
I don’t cry-
I tell myself
That I’m strong
And I believe it.
On good days
I try to live right.
On good days
I don’t feel dead
Inside.

And then
There are bad days
When I don’t
Wake up.
When I drag
Myself
Out of bed
Like dead weight-
I linger by the sink
By the closet
By the window
Not wanting to
Leave the solitude
Of my sanctuary-
But I do
I force myself
To follow the same path
That I follow
Every other day.
On bad days
I don’t feel like talking
Or walking
Or eating
Or breathing
Or living.
On bad days
I hold my breath
And count to
A thousand
But then
The stupid
Defense reflex
Forces me to breathe
And I fall
Gasping and
Spluttering
But still alive.
On bad days
I laugh
With a hollowness
Within me.
But it doesn’t matter
No one notices
I’m too good an
Actor.
On bad days
I feel dead
Inside.

Tired

We spend
our lives
Trying to be
perfect,
Not to be
free.
We do to
please,
Not to be
happy.
We live
Other’s definition of
Greatness.
We forget
Our dreams.
We smile to fool-
We laugh
Out of politeness.
We cry in solitude-
We are ashamed
Of tears.
We learn
To fear
Not to trust
We take caution
With words
We hesitate
With steps.
Suffering
In silence,
We crave relief
No more.
We are masters
Of pain-
It isn’t a part
Of us
We are a part
Of it.
Deception
Is an art
We learnt
With age.
We don’t hesitate
To lie
And say
“I’m Fine”
It is better
Than talking-
We cannot
Bear the sympathy
The pity
Anymore.
We are not
Trapped.
We have simply
Lost the will
To leave.
We have wings
We just don’t
Have the urge
To fly.
We float
Day
After
Day-
Night
After
Night-
Not broken
But not quite
Alive.
We not
Alone
But we feel
Alone
Even in the
Fullest
Of rooms.
We don’t
Want to
Talk
But still we
Talk
We are
Scared
Of telling you
That
We’re tired.
We’re tired
Of the
Constant
Monotony
That is
Our life.
We’re tired
Of being
Put through
Paces
Like a show-dog
That has
Nothing better
To do.
We’re tired
Of being
Misunderstood
Of taken
For-granted.
We’re tired
Of being so
Alone
For so long
We’re tired
Of simply
Being
For so long.
We’re tired
Of being
Purposeless
Aimless
Lifeless
And any
Other less
There is.
So
The next time
You see me
I won’t be
Broken-hearted
Depressed
Angry
Sad
Or
Suffering from
Withdrawal symptoms.
I’ll just be
Tired.

Not Meant To Be

In this world
There are songs,
Meant to be sung
But not heard

There are promises,
Meant to be made
But not kept

There are pictures,
Meant to be taken
But not seen

There are stories,
Meant to be written
But not read

There are memories,
Meant to be created
But not shared

Just like there are lives,
Meant to be spent
But not lived.

 

Rebirth

Can you rise after the hardest of falls?
Can you stretch your wings out,
After they were clipped away?
Can you hold your head high,
After all you’ve suffered?
It doesn’t matter that you’ve cried at night,
You have a chance,
You will be reborn.

You will rise from the ashes,
Vulnerable but proud,
You will watch yourself rise,
You will shed your shroud
You may be broken
Beyond consolation, beyond repair
It doesn’t matter that you’ve lost pieces of your soul,
You have a chance,
You will be reborn

Life has a way of changing its course,
Just when you feel all hope is lost
You may feel like you’re wasting away,
Little by little, drop by drop,
Every day as meaningless as the next
It doesn’t matter that you’ve lost faith in the world,
You have a chance,
You will be reborn

Belief is rebirth,
A candle in the darkness of life,
The cool breeze on the hottest of days,
A warm fire on the coldest of nights,
A hint at better days to come
It really doesn’t matter that life seems bleak,
We all have a chance,
We will be reborn.